


You don't know what you want

by Lambardo



Series: Boys in love [1]
Category: Danny Gonzalez - Fandom, Drew Gooden - Fandom
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Boys In Love, Complete, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Polyamory, Respect the wives, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:55:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22881370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lambardo/pseuds/Lambardo
Summary: Danny and Drew accidentally do drugs. What did they take? Why can't they keep their hands off each other? What does this mean for their friendship?
Relationships: Danny Gonzalez/Drew Gooden
Series: Boys in love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765504
Comments: 40
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do I need to put a disclaimer that this is pure fiction? Although these 'characters' are based on real people, they are still very much characters in the context of this story. Also I'm hoping this fic is too long for Danny or Drew to ever read. lol.
> 
> EDIT: Forgot to add: I will wrap this story up in 15 chapters. I'll release 3 every Monday for the next 5 weeks. I have 13.5 of those chapters written currently and I need to start releasing to encourage me to get those finished. Comments always appreciated!

“Uhm, no thank you.” Drew deadpanned, as Danny handed him a nondescript brown package. Through a carton cut window, a couple of small green pills rattled around inside their bubble packages. Danny was leaning all the way forward in his chair, and it was evident that he could barely contain his excitement.

“What? Are they not sketchy enough?” Danny asked, innocently. “Would you prefer them in a dirty ziploc bag?” Drew laughed but he couldn’t hide the way his eyebrows furrowed a little at his friend.

“Yes, please. I prefer them fresh from the anus.” Drew could barely contain the snort of a laugh as he finished the sentence. “Actually though, what the hell are these?”

“Miracle berries!” Danny announced proudly, snatching the package back and popping open the cardboard seal. They were getting ready to record a video at Danny’s apartment. The camera was set up, they maybe should have started already, but they were both a little nervous straying from their usual format.

“Why are they packaged like that?” Drew muttered. The box was totally devoid of graphics. The lack of branding and corporate consumerism made it look strangely ominous. 

Danny smiled mischievously, as he popped out a pill. Drew’s stomach flip flopped a little, was it the smirk coupled with the bright eyes or the little green pill that was making him nervous.

It had been a couple of months since their tour. After it was over Drew was so exhausted and excited to return home that he hadn’t had a chance to feel sad about parting ways. But once he’d been back for a couple of days it hit him hard. A pitbull song would come on the radio, or he found Danny’s shampoo in his bag. It was weird to admit to himself that he missed Danny. 

When he’d arrived the previous night, they hadn’t really had a chance to talk. Danny picked him up from the airport and Drew had crashed in the spare bedroom. Now, they’d been laughing and giggling all morning, as they fell into the rhythm of their partnership. Laura, Danny’s wife, was away, so Drew had his undivided attention. It felt just like being on tour again.

Drew could attribute the nerves to that, the gap in how long it had been since they’d seen each other. Or the different video format, eating things on camera, who does that? There were so many great reasons for the butterflies in his stomach. So many reasons that didn’t have anything to do with how they’d left things between them after the tour.

Danny brought the pill to his lips. 

“Wait!” Drew stuttered, panicking a little. Danny stopped and let his hand fall down.

“Water, good call.” Danny stated, as he stood to fetch a glass of water. 

“That’s not my primary concern,” Drew mumbled as he looked over the odd assortment of food stuff spread out on the table in front of them. Danny returned and picked up the pill with his other hand. “You’re confident that this isn’t like actual drugs or something.”

“Relatively confident.” Danny shrugged. “These weren’t that expensive.” He lifted the pill and Drew’s eyes followed it. “Why would someone sneakily sell actual drugs for cheap, when they could just tell people what it was and get more money.” Drew’s brow unfurrowed and he felt some of the tension fall from his shoulders.

“Good point.” He said, popping out a pill for himself.

They each took a sip of the water, and let the pills dissolve in their mouths. It didn’t taste like anything really. Drew noticed the taste of toothpaste fading a little, but other than that he didn’t notice anything special. Danny leaned over and switched on the camera. 

“What’s up Greg?” Danny stated and they began rolling. The introduction progressed and Drew couldn’t contain his smile as they bantered about what they were going to be doing today. Danny explained the concept of the miracle berry and put a slice of lemon in his mouth to prove it’s efficacy. He immediately recoiled, and scrunched up his face.

“We’ve been bamboozled!” He stated accusingly, and handed a segment of lemon to Drew for him to try. Danny watched eagerly as Drew confirmed that the lemon did indeed, just taste like a lemon. 

“Are you telling me,” Drew exclaimed with a half laugh, “that these ‘cheap’ unbranded miracle berries, were fake?” Danny smiled, but Drew sensed disappointment. 

“Damn it.” Danny said under his breath. “Maybe we should take another one.” He popped a second pill from its blister pack.

“Hold on,” Drew said, putting a hand on Danny’s forearm. “Drug rule #1 if it’s not working, don’t take more.” Danny laughed. 

“Should we leave that in?” Drew let his hand fall from the warmth of Danny’s arm.

“Yes, leave that in, it’s good information.” Drew added looking at the camera, instead of Danny. “Hey kids, if it seems like the drugs aren’t working, wait a little bit, then in a couple of hours you can try taking more.”

“I think that worst case scenario these are just sugar pills.” Danny stated. “Once again, why would they sell me real drugs for their scam?” Drew nodded as Danny brought the second pill to his lips. Drew couldn’t help but cringe as Danny swallowed the second pill.

“We can try waiting a bit?” Drew offered as Danny let the second pill dissolve in his mouth. So they turned off the camera and went to sit at the dining room table. It was annoying since the light was so good and they had been so amped up for the video.

They sat on either end of the couch, browsing their phones, trying to come up with an alternate video idea. For a while it was quiet except for the occasional sound bytes from instagram or youtube. 

“Are you hot?” Danny finally said, breaking the silence. Drew shook his head.

“Not really.” Drew replied as he watched Danny rise. They both wore jeans and T-shirts. Danny raised his shirt a little bit and Drew caught sight of the edge of Danny’s hip bone as his toned stomach sloped into the waistband of his boxers. 

Drew took a moment to observe how long that image lingered in his mind. He had to consciously stop himself from mentally undressing Danny any further. Which was odd, Drew let the rest slide away to be examined more closely at a later date. Presently, Danny was taking another bite of the lemon wedge.

“Is it working?” Drew asked, his voice pitching upwards at the end like he was fourteen years old again. 

“No,” Danny admitted, shaking his head, “but I thought I felt something.” Drew felt his stomach turning again. What the hell were those pills they’d taken. “Probably just placebo effect.”

Danny’s cheeks seemed a little pink, Drew’s eyes drifted down his friends body and the only way he could stop them was by squeezing them shut. Danny didn’t notice though. He paced around the kitchen restlessly, then flopped down on the couch again. 

Drew returned his attention to his phone. Danny tried to fuck around on his own phone but couldn’t seem to focus on it for long. One of his hands drifted to the collar of his shirt and he began to touch the place between his collar bones. He closed his eyes and his phone fell down. Drew looked on discreetly. Danny set the phone down properly and let his fingers trace little circles on his chest. He looked at his hand and furrowed his brow.

“I feel good.” He stated. “We should film this.”

“What!?” Drew said raising both eyebrows, as his heartbeat quickened. “Are you feeling something? Are you okay?” Danny noticed Drew’s worried expression and tried a half smile.

“I’m okay.” He replied, trying to soothe his friend. “But I might be feeling something.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Shit,” Drew said as his brain stuttered into panic-mode, “Fuck” Danny turned his big blue eyes on Drew and waited for him to decide what they needed to do. “Do you feel high?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never been high before.” Danny admitted, a little abashedly.

“Are you being serious?” Drew asked, his heart was officially racing. He wondered if he was getting high as well. Everything felt like a sign that he was but maybe also a sign that he wasn’t. Danny took two pills, which Drew specifically told him not to do. “What are you feeling? Explain it.”

“I feel good.” Danny tried to explain, drawing his eyebrows together. He brought his hand to his neck and drew a line up the side of it to his jaw. The action was followed by a shiver of pleasure and a goofy grin. 

“Holy shit, maybe it actually was molly or something.” Drew said shuffling closer to Danny. Drew took Danny’s hand and pulled it away from his neck. Danny shivered again at the touch.

“That feels super good.” Danny stated with interest, like a scientist determining which things were goodest. Drew dropped Danny’s arm and picked up his phone.

Who the fuck was he supposed to call for this? One of their wives? They’d probably freak out and send one or both to the hospital, which would be expensive and make for some awkward explanations if anyone ever found out. Drew tried to reason with himself, ecstasy or MDMA wouldn’t kill them. He began googling furiously. 

Meanwhile, Danny’s hand drifted to Drew’s shirt and began to push the fabric against his skin. One hand gently rubbed Drew’s ribs while the other was on Danny’s chest tracing circles again.

The more Drew read the more strangely calm he felt. It was hard to overdose on ecstasy or MDMA or whatever, if they were pure. His pulse was starting to return to normal, meaning these hopefully didn’t have sketchy additives. Drew took Danny’s hand and put two fingers to his wrist.

“Is your heart beating really fast?” He asked suspiciously. “Do you feel like you drank too much coffee?” 

Danny shook his head, no. “I don’t think so.” He tried to be as stern as he could but he smiled as Drew held his forearm. “Do you feel anything?” Drew started to shake his head then Danny brought his hand up to Drew’s face. With the lightest touch he ran his thumb over the corner of Drew’s jaw. Like little flashes his brain was flushed with warmth, and he met Danny’s eyes. The other boys pupils were wide but still framed by brilliant blue and the pink on his cheeks had settled in. He looked weirdly pretty. 

“Uh, maybe.” Drew cleared his throat. Danny dropped his gaze and Drew was able to take a breath. Was his heart racing from drugs, a potential overdose? Drews brain was arguing with itself, on the one hand he told himself people did these drugs all the time and most didn’t die, but another part of him said he wasn’t even sure what the hell these pills were, let alone if they could safely do this trip. In the end, Drew decided to text the one person who hopefully wouldn’t panic, in case he ended up getting too high to make good decisions later

DG: hey, long story, but Danny and I may have accidentally taken e, or molly or something. We actually don’t know what we took. It was supposed to be a miracle berry. We aren’t going to go to the hospital, but could you call me in a bit and make sure we didn’t die.

KC: excuse me, is this a joke?

DG: Nope, this is actually happening. 

KC: what the fuck? Where’s Laura?

“Who texting?” Danny asked, placing his hand casually on Drew’s shoulder as he leaned over to see the text. Drew angled his phone a little making it harder to read. 

“Kurtis,” He replied. For some reason he didn’t want to remind Danny of the fact that he had a wife. It’s not like Danny could have actually forgotten, but Drew kind of liked not thinking about it right now. He rationalized his thought process by telling himself that he was protecting Danny from worrying what his wife might think. He didn’t want to consider his true motives.

DG: Laura isn’t here, and I don’t know if we’re prepared to tell wives about this.

KC: I’m coming over to check on you at 4. 

DG: What? No, you don’t need to do that. 

KC: It’s fine. I’m in Detroit. Just ride it out till I get there.

Drew thought about arguing further, it was still a very long car ride, but he found the thought of being checked on by a sober person in 4 hours a reassuring thought and so he left it at that.

DG: Thanks, you’re awesome.

KC: np, wasn’t busy anyways.

“Kurtis is coming to check on us at four.” Drew explained to Danny who had stretched out on the couch. 

“Cool, what’re we going to do till then?” Danny asked, not caring how or why Kurtis was coming over. Danny had lifted his shirt a little and started drawing lines down his toned stomach. He was clearly enjoying the feeling. Drew left his phone on the coffee table and stood up. Part of him wanted to get away from Danny and the weird reactions he was eliciting. Another part of him was eager to prepare a nice safe space for their trip.

“Couch or bed?” Drew asked casually, as he went to the kitchen to get them each a glass of water, as he walked he noticed the effects of the drugs were growing more pronounced. Even the air felt weirdly good on his skin. 

“Bed.” Danny replied, snickering at the end. “With you, please.” Danny scrambled off the couch and into the other room. Drew brought two glasses of water into the guest bedroom, and went to find Danny.

“What’s up Greg? Boy have we got some content for you. Drew and I accidentally took some random internet drugs and now we feel really damn good.” Danny hardly finished the sentence before he started laughing. Drew smiled and ducked into view.

“Hey guys, it’s me Drew Gooden,” Drew started throwing an arm around Danny’s shoulders, “you guys are actually never going to see this video, cause it’s time for Danny and I to finally sleep together.” Danny laughed and Drew pushed the camera down and off their faces. Drew dropped his arm and took Danny’s hand. 

Danny smiled wide, and panned up to film Drew leading him away. “Drew is actually doing it, it’s really happening.” he whispered conspiratorially. Drew led him to the guest bedroom and Danny looked on as his friend began artfully messing up the bed to increase the coziness level. Danny left the camera on a corner of the dresser. 

“Did you turn that off?” Drew asked sternly. Danny giggled.

“I did.” He finally answered. Then Danny began to fumble with his belt buckle.


	3. Chapter 3

“Woah, woah woah!” Drew started taking a couple steps towards Danny to stop his progression.

“No pants in bed.” Danny stated as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. Drew raised an eyebrow. “I’m too hot. Please?”

“Sure, whatever.” Drew said as his stomach turned over, in a strangely pleasant way. “Mine are staying on though.”

“That’s weird because I thought I was being pretty clear when I said: ‘no pants in bed’.” They both laughed as Danny dropped his pants. Drew noticed his own body temperature go up a notch, and he looked at Danny’s legs enviously. Was it envy the way he was looking at his legs? Drew didn’t think too hard on it, and crawled into bed. 

The sheets felt amazingly soft and he tried not to look as Danny sunk down beside him. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to look, perhaps he was just worried about looking at the other boy at all. A steady ache had been growing in his stomach, or maybe it came from somewhere just under that. An ache that he was forced to hide in the waistband of his pants lest his friend notice it. 

“How do you feel?” Danny asked seriously. Danny’s hair was getting messy and somehow the flush on his cheeks was making his lips look a pretty colour. Which is a weird thing to notice about your friend. 

Drew considered that maybe repressing all these ‘weird’ thoughts might not be working as well as it usually did under the influence of whatever the fuck they were on. Could he give himself permission to dive any deeper into the meaning behind the thoughts? Here and now seemed like both the worst, dumbest time to do that, and the very best time. Stupid drugs made logic hard, and without anxiety and self doubt to hold him back, he couldn’t regulate his thoughts as strictly. 

“Weird.” Drew settled on. Struggling to find a word that better encapsulated the electric happy that he’d caged up inside him. But the only reason he’d fenced it off was because it seemed like the thing Drew would do in this situation.

“Could you…” Danny trailed off, pressing his shirt against his chest. “Could you touch me?” Danny’s big blue eyes turned on him and just like that he was helpless. “S-sorry, that’s weird.” Danny sucked in a nervous breath. “Just on my back, lightly. I bet it’d feel really good.” Drew was nodding before he even had time to contemplate it.

Danny, lifted his shirt, leaving his back exposed and Drew couldn’t look away. Drew, shuffled up into a half seated position next to Danny. Then with one hand, he did exactly as instructed, he began to lazily trace little patterns with his finger tips. Drew felt it, the closeness, it made his heart ache. 

A small sound of pleasure escaped Danny, he cleared his throat in an attempt to hide it. The sound made Drew’s brain shiver or something. He needed to make him do it again. Drew let his hand fall to the side, drawing a circle right at Danny’s small waist. Another moan, this one could’ve been a loud exhale. Drew bit his lip, he needed more. It felt like his pulse was throbbing in his wrist, and his fingertips. The nerves in Danny’s skin were like livewires and if Drew found the right spot he could jumpstart the circuit. The line of a muscle in his shoulder, a graze against the place where the shoulder meets the neck. Drew made Danny tremble and gasp and it was ruthlessly addictive.

Danny shifted, pushing himself up on his elbows, Drew withdrew his hand and watched the other boys smooth tan back rise and fall. It was then that he realized: Danny was breathing really hard.

“You okay?” Drew asked. Danny’s eyes flashed up to meet his. His big blue eyes were wild and his half parted lips, looked like he’d bitten down to suppress the sounds. Drew couldn’t help but gulp, he looked fuckable.

Drew scolded himself mentally for that one, not the right thought when you’re checking for overdose symptoms. Fuck, drugs! He reminded himself. Especially no fucking on drugs. Danny might want stuff on drugs but not want it, not on drugs. Too many negatives. Carrying the full weight of being responsible was really bringing down his happy little trip. Maybe he could just touch more of Danny’s skin to get that back. Drew shook that one off too.

Danny had managed to calm himself a little. “I’m alright.” He said, his voice was gravelly and Drew deeply enjoyed the roughness. “Your turn.” 

“I can keep doing you, I don’t mind.” Drew offered but Danny was already getting up. He turned Drew around and traced a line down Drew’s spine through his shirt. Drew gasped, it felt like a current ran down his spine straight to his… 

“Fuck.” Did he say that out loud? Danny scoffed in amusement. Danny’s fingers found the bottom edge of the shirt and began lifting it up, to Drew’s surprise Danny got it all the way off. He shouldn’t let this happen, but he wanted to. The cool air made him shiver. Then Danny traced a line down his spine and Drew absolutely melted. A sound escaped before he could stop it, a gasp of pleasure. Danny’s breath quickened on his neck. 

Then Danny’s hands were wrapping around Drew’s chest and his friend's burning body was pressing into his back. He felt Danny’s breath on his neck and his palms on his breastbone and ribs. Then Drew felt something hard brush against the small of his back and it was like his vision went white. Drew bit his lip.

Danny snickered, “I’m glad you’re here.” He whispered the words into Drew’s neck. Drew’s body felt incredible, like it was on fire, but in a good way and the fine hairs on his neck were standing on end, as he tried to process a response.

“Me too.” Drew said, “you I mean.” Drew started over. “It’s good, that it’s you.” Danny nuzzled into his neck. “It’s fun doing this with your best friend.” 

“I’m your best friend?” Danny asked, his voice barely above a whisper, rough and warm with affection. 

“I mean, there’s people I’ve known longer but,” Drew snickered, “We’re so similar.” He lost his composure and began to laugh, he felt Danny smiling, waiting for the punchline.. “I was going to say, it’s like we’re the same person.” they both laughed, very hard, at the joke they’d been making for literally months. 

As the giggles died down, Danny murmured, “Should’ve done a bit about both having the same average sized dicks.” 

“Well, that wouldn’t work because I have a massive dick.” Drew deadpanned. Danny couldn’t help but laugh. He had relaxed his arms and they’d fallen away from Drew’s chest at some point. But Drew could feel Danny’s forehead resting between his shoulder blades. Short fitful breaths, interspersed with giggles.

“Have you ever measured your dick?” Danny asked with a breathy laugh.

“Yes,” Drew stated. “Had to for my big dick club membership.” Danny snorted.

“What's the minimum for membership?”

“Fourteen inches.” Drew replied. Danny cracked up.

“"Fourteen inches,” he repeated between giggles. “flaccid?”

"Fourteen inches flaccid,” Drew tried to say, but before he could finish, he lost himself in laughter. Danny rested a hand on Drew's hip to steady himself as his laughter eased up. "To answer your question though, no, I've never measured.” 

Drew closed his fingers in a loose fist. He wanted to see Danny but there was something magical about not seeing him. If Drew was face to face with Danny’s huge blue eyes. If he felt how his chest rose and fell with laughter and excitement, it could push him into doing things he wasn't prepared to face the consequences for.

"For real though,” Drew said with a calming breath. "I've never understood the fuss over having a big dick, as if that's what's fun about having sex”

"Yeah, everyone knows the best thing about sex,” Danny snickered, “is getting your balls tugged on one by one” And with that they were done. Their snorting laughter seemed to echo around them. A fiery warmth spread through his chest. Danny's hand felt hot on his hip. He smiled at how right it felt to sit here with him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks, I'm releasing in pieces to motivate me to write more! Chapters will release on Sundays until it's finished. I promise to provide an ending. Thanks for the comments, always appreciate feedback.

Drew could feel his friend’s face against his shoulder while he composed himself. His hot cheek felt lovely on his cool skin and the short breathy giggles sounded heavenly next to his ear.

Once the giggles had subsided and settled into easy smiles, Danny tried to draw shapes on Drew's back again. Drew couldn't stop giggling though and shied away from the tickly sensation. Danny for his part, seemed to enjoy eliciting the giggles. 

“Stop,” Drew pleaded weakly, "I can't handle it.” But Danny continued, forcing Drew to turn and seize his hands. Locking eyes with Danny was exactly as dangerous as he'd feared. The other boy's eyes were bright and excited, with wide black pupils that reminded him of a cat, halfways between wanting to cuddle and wanting to pounce.

Drew also took note of the way Danny bit at the inner edge of his lower lip. He struggled in Drew's hold, and Drew was surprised to discover that he seemed to have the upper hand. Perhaps Danny wasn’t trying very hard, either way Drew couldn't help but enjoy it. 

Danny leaned back and Drew half fell on top of him. One arm caught him and just like that he was leaning precariously over the half dressed body of his friend. Danny's eyes had fallen to Drew's bare chest and Drew couldn't help the smirk that formed. When Danny’s gaze came back up and discovered the smirk, he cast his long eyelashes down bashfully and his cheeks somehow grew even pinker. 

Drew’s eyes were on his friends lips again and for a moment his only thought was a fantasy where he stole a taste. Danny caught him staring as the electricity that hovered between them seemed to crackle. Drew felt his arm begin to buckle, dropping him lower, closer to Danny’s mouth. 

Then Drew’s brain caught up to his body, and Drew inched himself back, putting more distance between them. Dragging himself away was like tugging away from a magnet. Danny’s brows pulled together and his confusion seemed like confirmation for every fear he’d ever had. 

"What happened on the last night of the tour?” Danny asked, his voice soft. Drew winced and pulled back entirely. He let his arm buckle and fell next to Danny, rolling away so he didn’t have to look at Danny’s face.

"Not now,” He pleaded. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to clear his head.

"Why not?” Danny pushed. Drew felt a nudge against the back of his hand. 

"Drugs, it's not a good idea.” The nudge against his hand withdrew.

“When?” Danny asked. "We've hardly spoken since.” Drew tried not to turn his head. He didn’t want to see the face that accompanied the brokenness in his voice. "I'd like to at least know what I did.” Drew cracked and glanced over at Danny, the brunette was close to tears. 

"Shit,” Drew said, "You didn't do anything, it was me. I made a mistake.”

The scene replayed in Drew's mind. There was a mistake he made, he misread something, and thought for a second, that Danny wanted something he couldn’t possibly have wanted. 

They arrived at the tour bus exhausted but high off the success of their final show. Danny changed his shirt in the tight hallway. Drew tried to sneak past him and Danny like the brat that he was, wouldn't let him pass. He insisted on a password. Drew's exhausted mind had fixated on Danny's bare chest, tan skin stretched tight over the muscles in his chest. And those goddamn blue eyes, lips quirked up in a smile that was asking for trouble. 

Without thinking, Drew took one of Danny's hands and pinned it against the wall while the rest of his body crowded into Danny's personal space. A leg pressed between Danny’s and that extra inch of height forced Danny to look up at him. Danny’s bright eyes were startled and his lips were half parted in surprise, the ghost of a smirk lingering at the corner. Danny hadn't protested, he'd gone silent. Drew wondered later if he'd scared him.

Drew brought his lips closer, till they were an inch away from his friends. Close enough to feel his warmth and his quick breath. Then rational thought smacked into him like a train.

Married, straight, coworkers.

"Let me by.” Drew finally said with a coldness that he didn't mean. He dropped Danny's wrist, and dipped past. Leaving Danny looking confused and hurt. He didn’t have time for Danny’s sad look though. His brain was screaming at him and a sweeping guilt settled into his stomach. He felt like an ass.

Presently, he was feeling like an ass all over again, as his friend begged him for answers. 

He dealt with the complicated feelings, guilt, pain, anger, and that unnamed emotion that was reserved only for Danny by repressing them. Avoiding Danny was the first step, the next steps involved stamping out the lingering feelings, squashing every unprofessional piece of it. The process was excruciating, and the drugs were undoing all of it. 

Danny was still watching him.

“We're high,” Drew sighed, "I don't want to say or do anything that we might regret sober.” Drew stared straight ahead and hated himself for being ‘the sober one’. Danny put a hand to his chest. "You okay?”

“Ouchie.” Danny whispered as he rubbed circles on his chest. Drew felt his heart sink. 

“What's wrong?” Drew asked, softly. "It's not hospital time, is it?”

“No,” Danny assured and Drew accidentally met his eye. “You're hurting me.” Drew winced, and sucked in a sharp breath. Danny's words thrummed painfully like an ulcer in his stomach. He thought about apologizing, and holding Danny's face in his hands and begging for forgiveness.

"I'm mean,” Drew said instead, Looking away. Danny noticed and leaned over Drew, forcing him to face his crimes.

"Stop it.” Danny stated firmly. He still looked gorgeous. Even when he was hurting. "Turn over.”

Drew did as he was told. It was preferable to seeing the pain plastered all over Danny’s face. As soon as Danny's warm skin touched his now cool back he shivered. Feathery and soft, somehow Danny managed to loosen some of the tightness in his shoulders. A gentle stroke that brushed across his shoulder blade relaxed Drew even deeper. 

He noticed a sharp ache in his chest. Then his eyes began to water. He blamed Danny. Stupid Danny, with his stupid pretty eyes, and his kind touch. And his sense of humor, that silliness that made him seem innocent, made Drew want to protect him. Drew sucked in a shaky breath, hoping Danny didn't notice the way he trembled against the tears. 

Danny leaned over and caught him. “Uh oh.” He whispered. His palm drifted down Drew’s back, and he murmured a very soft “sh-sh.” Danny petted his hair; combed through it with gentle fingers. He quietly tugged on Drew’s shoulder to get him to turn over.

Drew thought about protesting, hiding everything but Danny was being so kind, and Drew felt so horrible about fucking up their happy little trip that he acquiesced.

He rolled over to discover Danny’s shirt had come off at some point. He raised an eyebrow and Danny smiled innocently.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hot.” Danny whispered, taking his friend's hand and bringing it to his now bare chest. Drew smiled, he was hot. Drew’s eyes danced across the lightly defined muscle in his abs to the sloping lines down his hips towards… Drew snapped his eyes closed. Definitely a hard-on. Fuck. Like a wave a heady drug-addled lust swept over him, pushing out any other feeling.

In one swift motion Danny lifted a leg over Drew’s lap and straddled his hips. Drew stiffened, his brain panicking. His heart was hammering in his chest and Danny looked almost as surprised as he did. Through short breaths Danny tried to smile, but it was clear he was terrified. For a moment they both were frozen like that afraid of what might happen.

Danny was mesmerizing, the flush on his cheeks was now accompanied by a flush on his chest. He looked needy and the pressure on Drew’s pelvis was making him painfully aware of his own needs.

Danny leaned forward, placing his hand next to Drew’s head. Then he shifted his hips and they both gasped. Danny was breathing hard now, his eyes were alive with desire. Drew’s hips seemed to press upwards of their own accord, drawing a low moan from Danny’s throat. 

Drew wondered if he looked as slutty as Danny did, perhaps his pupils were blown wide, lips red and freshly bitten. Perhaps to an outsider they might seem equally high. 

Sadly, Drew still had like three firing logic centers that were telling him to stop right now.

Danny sat back a little straighter and began working on Drew’s belt buckle. It fell to the side with a clink. It was the feeling of Danny’s fingers probing the button of his pants that snapped Drew into action. He seized Danny’s hands, attempting to wrestle them away, but in this position Danny just pressed his weight forward and pinned them next to his head. 

Drew, bit his lip, why was he even struggling? Danny looked incredible, and the squirming heat writhing around in him begged him to let Danny have what he so obviously wanted. 

He doesn’t really want this; Drew’s brain reminded him. So he rocked his hips forcing Danny from his perch. Surprisingly, Danny let him up. 

“Take them off.” Danny demanded, his wild blue eyes pleading. Drew’s body was burning, he was too hot. This whole situation was too hot, neither of them were thinking clearly. He could just let it happen. 

Drew pulled the double ring belt from his waist. Then with one hand he unbuttoned his dark jeans and let them fall. Stepping out of them, there was no more hiding his hardness. Danny bit his lip against a gravelly moan. The brunette couldn’t help himself as he reached for Drew’s hip, drawing it closer.

“Can you keep your hands to yourself?” Drew asked, as he allowed Danny to guide him closer. Danny looked up at his face with raw desire. He shook his head and his fingers trailed up Drew's thigh. 

Drew swallowed, unsure of himself at that moment. The drugs said it would be so easy, they said it would feel so good. They said he could take what he wanted and the consequences would never ever find him. 

Drew also knew that wasn't true. 

So he took Danny's wrist and cinched his belt around it. Then straddled Danny, tugging his arm over his head, he tied the fabric off to the headboard. Dumbfounded and wildly aroused Danny’s eyes followed the line of his bicep up to his bound wrist. A half smile started at the corner of his lips.

Danny’s eyes were drawn back to Drew’s face and he slowly brought his free hand up to the bound one. 

"Don't,” Drew warned, he couldn't help but smile as Danny obediently let the other hand fall back down and away. Danny shivered, and flexed his arm testing the restraint. Drew watched the muscles tense with interest, and then felt Danny's cock pulse underneath him. Danny’s abs contracted with a breathless laugh.

"What're you doing?” He asked, his voice wavering with uncertainty. 

“Being mean.” Drew answered. “You don’t know what you want.”

“I want-” Drew clamped a hand over his mouth. This might have been a mistake. “Mmph” Danny groaned into his friend's palm, pressing his hips up involuntarily. 

Drew couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Danny was loving this. He caught hold of Drew's wrist but he didn't push it away, if anything he seemed to be holding it in place. Drew could feel Danny’s dick pulse through the thin fabric of his boxers, and his bare chest radiated heat. 

Danny whimpered, caught between his desire to rebel and his desire to see where Drew's dominating behaviour might lead. So he did the only thing he could think of, he licked Drew’s hand.

Drew shivered. He peeled back his hand and wiped his palm along Danny's cheek. Then he slipped his thumb into Danny's mouth, pressing against his warm wet tongue. The sound Danny made was one of surprise and lust. He suckled at the intrusion and Drew felt it in his pelvis.

“Fuck,” Drew growled. This was not how he intended this to go. His resolve was crumbling. Danny wanted him. Drew’s thumb trailed along Danny’s soft bottom lip, Danny shivered and watched him with half-lidded eyes. He trembled with heat and need, hips flexing rhythmically, begging. Drew’s hand drifted back. His fingers found the short hairs at the back of Danny’s neck. Danny’s lips were swollen, Drew dropped closer, and breathed his hot breath. Danny’s lashes fell closed as Drew finally took what he wanted. 

Their lips met softly at first. Then Drew pulled him closer and deepened it. Danny made a small sound in the back of his throat, a rough moan. Drew felt a shooting electricity run down his spine and Danny kissed him back enthusiastically. 

Two sharp raps on the door startled them. Drew jumped back in surprise and found Danny breathing hard. His heart was racing, pounding in his head.

Another knock echoed through the apartment. Drew pushed himself away from Danny. A sinking guilt in his gut reminded him that Kurtis was coming to check on them. Danny’s eyebrows furrowed as Drew pulled away. 

“Fuck,” Drew whispered, getting up and off Danny. Danny looked totally lost, hardly able to process what was happening. Drew pulled on his jeans, quickly. He glanced at the belt around Danny’s wrist and quickly freed it. Danny looked up at Drew with fear in his eyes. 

“Is that my wife?” He asked.

“No, it’s Kurtis.” Drew petted Danny’s head. Danny looked close to tears.

“I’m married.” Danny whispered, as if that information was just now occurring to him. 

"So am I.” Drew said, as another anxious knock startled them. Drew left the room.


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you guys okay?” Kurtis asked anxiously. "This was a dumb idea.” Kurtis reached a hand up to Drew's forehead.

"You're right.” Drew said, feeling horrible about himself.

"You look so high.” Kurtis said with a giggle.

"Danny looks worse.” Drew replied, he started towards the guest bedroom, briefly wondering if Danny would have realized he needed to get dressed.

Danny had not. He was lying on the bed and smiled when Kurtis walked in.

“Where are your pants, dude?” Kurtis asked with a smile. 

“No pants in bed.” Drew and Danny said at the same time. Kurtis laughed with them, then noticed the camera resting on the wardrobe. “Have you guys been filming this whole time?”

“You're kidding.” Drew said, his voice low. Kurtis handed him the camera and the low battery symbol flashed in the corner. He stopped the recording. "Danny, you said you turned this off.”

“Forgot.” Danny said, rolling onto his stomach lazily. Drew watched but couldn’t seem to read him. Kurtis went over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. He checked Danny's forehead and Kurtis’ eyebrows knit together. 

“You're really warm dude.” Danny nodded and Kurtis handed him the glass of water off the nightstand. Drew found his shirt and put it back on. Danny seemed really out of it, watching him interact with Kurtis, it was obvious that Danny's responses were short and empty. 

Drew's guilt flared up again. It was strange how quickly Danny seemed to forget the terror and anxiety that he’d felt only moments ago, perhaps he wasn’t as lucid as he had seemed.

Drew glanced down at the camera in his hand. He wondered how much had been recorded, if you could even make out what was happening. Drew deftly removed the SD card and slipped it into his pocket. 

Kurtis spoke softly to Danny, whose face was buried in a pillow now. 

“I’m tired,” Danny announced. 

“Do you think you can sleep?” Kurtis said, petting Danny’s hair down. Drew watched the gesture with curiosity, would Danny react the same way?

“No.” Danny said. “Only lay.” He didn’t even really acknowledge that Kurtis was touching him. Drew found a possessive sort of satisfaction in that. Kurtis got up from the bed and pulled the sheet over Danny. Danny rolled onto his back and his eyes found Drew, “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah,” Kurtis said, “Are you gonna be alright?” Danny nodded. Kurtis and Drew exited without a word. 

They took a seat on the couch in the other room. They talked about Kurtis’ drive, and Kurtis admitted he may have sped over in his worry. 

“I couldn’t believe you weren’t going to the doctor, then I was like, America.” Kurtis explained, bopping his head with his palm for effect. “You guys seem to have ridden it out okay though.” They talked more about Drew’s trip. He mixed up the lies and the truth and let Kurtis fill in the gaps. 

“Are you doing okay now though?” Kurtis asked. “You seem fine but also totally not fine at the same time.” Drew shrugged.

“It’s been a weird trip." Drew admitted.

“I’ll crash on the couch tonight.” Kurtis said. “Looks like Danny stole your bed. Are you going to sleep with him or should we try to move him to his own bed.” Drew winced at the phrasing. He thought it over for a moment.

“I can take the couch if you want.” Drew offered and Kurtis raised his eyebrows but accepted the offer. The afternoon was quickly fading into evening, and Drew and Kurtis wasted time watching tv and making kraft dinner for supper.

They checked on Danny every fifteen minutes. He was close to sleep, the conversations they had with him made little sense and often ended in unintelligible murmuring, but his strange wakeful sleep lasted until almost eleven. 

Kurtis went to sleep next to Danny and Drew was left alone with his increasingly sober thoughts on the couch. 

Once Drew was alone, he began the work of examining the dark guilt-ridden thoughts that had been swirling in his periphery. Danny couldn't consent, he didn't want it. He'll be afraid of me, disgusted by me. Drew felt nauseous.

Laura, Amanda.

He was hurting them too, fucking up their lives. He thought more about his wife, but couldn't imagine her getting mad about this. Drew thought about calling her and confessing right then and there. Taking his punishment up front.

Yet he couldn't imagine telling Danny. His friend’s big blue eyes turning icy with hatred, forcing him to confess to his wife that he'd been taken advantage of by a friend. 

Drew gripped his shirt over his heart till his knuckles were white. These thoughts replayed over and over as Drew struggled to sleep but eventually exhaustion won him over.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning was brutal. As far as Drew could tell, the hangover from their fun mystery drug trip was just clinical depression. Unless he was experiencing actual clinical depression. Kurtis checked on Drew at ten and woke him up. 

"How ya doing?” He whispered, gently touching Drew's shoulder.

"Not good.” Drew admitted, like a gaping hole in his chest his ribs throbbed with emotional distress. Perfect.

"Danny wants to talk to you.” Kurtis reported. Drew heart punched him from the inside. "I'm going to make some breakfast. Danny said he couldn't eat but I'm going to try and give him some toast. You hungry?”

"I'll try.” Drew said and rolled off the couch. He was actually a little amazed at just how horrible he felt. Perhaps it was the stark comparison between yesterday’s high and today’s guilt. Drew’s brain flicked through cliche ways to kill himself like TLC channels, trying to find the quickest easiest one. 

"Do you feel sick or like there isn't any light in the world?” Kurtis asked as Drew folded his blankets and fixed up the couch. 

"Yes.” He responded and went to brush his teeth. Maybe he could shower before facing Danny. That low guilty feeling in his stomach made him feel sick. It made him want to walk off Danny’s balcony rather than face his friend but it couldn't keep him away from Danny forever. 

Danny was still in bed when Drew arrived. 

"Hey” Danny croaked, his voice gravelly. "I'm so sorry.” Drew cracked a casual smile. 

"You didn't know, it's not your fault.” Drew assured him. 

"I still feel really bad.” Danny offered. 

"Don't, you had a worse time of it.” Drew reminded him. 

"Cause I took two. When you specifically told me not to.” Danny replied. "I don't remember anything.”

Drew's heart spasmed. That changed things. It shouldn’t but it did. Drew's guilt flared up. Danny had the right to know what happened. But maybe Danny didn't need to know right now.

"It feels like waking up from a really good dream.” Danny explained staring up at the ceiling. "So what happened?”

"There's parts that are fuzzy to me too.” Drew lied. Being in this room with his half dressed friend was painting a vivid picture of the previous night. One look at Danny's lips was enough to make his stomach squirm and his dick stir. "We basically just waited around for it to be over. It did feel good though.”

"I remember that, remember feeling really really good” Danny said and his eyes took on a far off look. "Feel like shit now though.”

"Me too.” Drew admitted. 

"So I guess I'm sorry about that.” Danny said rubbing sleep out of his eye. “Weird waking up in your bed next to Kurtis.” He managed a weak laugh.

“Yeah, I thought he deserved an actual bed since he came all the way here.” Drew said, the door-frame jabbed his shoulder where he was leaning but he didn’t move it. It distracted him from the parts of his brain that were screaming at him to confess.

“He said it was ‘cause you were worried about me.” Danny joked. 

“Nah, it’s ‘cause you refused to wear any pants.” Danny tried to laugh again but it fell short. Drew couldn’t even manage a smile at his own dumb joke.

“Kurtis said I recorded us.” Danny said and Drew’s heart rate stuttered into overdrive. “We should do a reaction video to that footage.” 

“Uh no.” Drew tried to slow his heart, act cool. “Drug trips aren't really on brand for me.” Drew deadpanned. “Plus you can’t see or hear anything.”

“Damn it.” Danny whined. “I wanted to see what the fuck we did.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been so high.” Drew replied, turning to leave.

“Wait Drew,” Danny said, sitting up and revealing more of his bare chest. “Should we film something today?” 

“Honestly, I don’t know if I can.” Drew admitted, recalling his suicidal ideation. He didn’t feel like himself, and the guilt made being around Danny actually painful. “Is that okay?” 

“Yeah,” Danny replied, clearly relieved. “I feel awful.” Drew nodded and left.

Drew and Danny lazed around for the rest of the day, while Kurtis tended to them like a momma bird. Drew hardly spoke to Danny, lacking the energy to fake a smile, or make conversation just for the sake of speaking. Danny was equally subdued, though not as quiet as Drew. Laura was set to arrive that evening so Danny tidied up in preparation for her return.

Kurtis was gentle with Drew on the drive to the airport and dropped him off without fanfare. Drew checked in, checked his bag and sat patiently at his gate. It was then, while he sat alone with his thoughts, that he felt the true weight of them. Then his wife called.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Her chipper voice greeted him.

“Not great.” Drew admitted. “We didn’t manage to film anything.” 

“Oh no, What happened?”

Drew paused, his anxiety rising to critical levels, then his composure cracked. He confessed everything. It just came pouring out of him. It was a long time before his wife spoke.


	8. Chapter 8

Drew met Amanda at the luggage return. She opened her arms and he crushed her to his body. Her hair smelled familiar and her head nestled under his chin and he felt warmer than he’d felt all day.

“I’m so lucky to have you.” He whispered.

“I love you,” She replied, glad to have him back.

“You have every right to be insanely angry.” He reminded her.

“Yet somehow I’m not.” She stated and Drew shrugged.

They went home and their lives went back to normal. Drew’s depression lasted a couple of days, exacerbated by pangs of guilt when Danny crossed his mind. He and Amanda talked about what happened a lot in the following weeks. In the context of how it impacted their marriage, and how it was impacting Drew. Amanda didn’t agree with his decision to keep it from Danny, she thought he would want to know, but Drew couldn’t bring himself to tell him. Danny messaged him apologizing again. He tried to bring up the experience and Drew shut him down. Danny gave up after a while. 

A week or so later, while Amanda was out of the house, his curiosity won out over his guilt and he plugged in the stolen SD Card. Drew was right in some respects, It wasn’t easy to see what was going on, and some of what they said wasn’t audible. But before long Drew found himself editing the video, annotating the parts that were hard to hear, and adding text descriptions of what was happening. 

As he progressed, the video started to affect him. It wasn’t softcore porn or anything. The angle was bad and it was hard to hear, but sometimes he caught one of Danny’s breathy moans and it made his body a little warmer. In addition to that, the memories were still vivid in his mind. He moved to adjust his jeans and a wave of heat spread through him. It nagged at the back of his head for a moment, reminding him that it had been a long time since he’d had any sort of release. Thanks depression.

He finished editing and saved it out. Preparing the video for Danny, so that he would know what happened eased his guilt. Perhaps actually giving it to Danny would make the guilt go away entirely. But then there would be new guilt about wrecking his relationship, or messing with their friendship. He started the video from the beginning, watching again for mistakes. The video was long, almost two hours, it certainly hadn’t felt like two hours.

Drew gently pressed his palm against the bulge in his jeans. Maybe he’d need to deal with this before watching anymore. He paused the video and unzipped. His dick was hot in his hand. He closed his eyes and pictured his wife on all fours. He imagined slipping into her body and feeling her stretching around him. He stroked himself gently, then his eyes were drawn back to the video of Danny. He unpaused and heard Danny breathing hard. Drew’s cock pulsed in his hand. Why’d he have to sound so good?

Drew skipped ahead a little, Now Danny’s arms were around his chest. Drew remembered the way Danny’s hand had rested on his hip, he imagined it pressing forward into his underwear, his hand on Drew’s dick.

“Fuck,” He whispered as he pumped a little quicker, his fingers sliding over the tip and spreading the precum. He clicked ahead in the video again, to when Drew dropped his pants. Drew imagined the scene, Danny looking up at him. Pretty blue eyes begging him to undress. 

Drew watched himself tie off Danny's wrist. Danny's groans and whimpers filled his head, filtering through his headphones. Drew remembered how Danny’s erection felt pressed into his ass. He gasped and his muscles tightened..

“What’re you doing?” The camera picked up Danny’s breathless voice and Drew nearly exploded. He stopped his hand for a moment, letting the wave of euphoria subside ever so slightly. Drew watched himself leaning forward and remembered how Danny’s breath felt on his lips. Then they kissed. Drew bit his lip against a climax that surprised him. First it was fireworks in his brain then as the waves of pleasure subsided he became aware of the wet globs on his stomach and chest.

“Fuck,” Drew left the room to clean himself up. Why couldn’t he just watch porn like a normal person? His head tingled post-orgasm, but guilt was creeping back into his gut. 

Drew came back to his desk and watched the last couple minutes of the video, feeling a little disgusted with himself. He closed it and put it on a flash drive.


	9. Chapter 9

Three weeks later, Danny flew out to see Drew. On his way to the airport, all the songs on the radio seemed to accuse Drew of lying. Danny had taken an early flight and looked groggy but he smiled when he saw Drew. Drew’s heart, which had already been racing, dodged a beat. Drew took one of his bags, the one that Danny reported had electronics in it, and they left.

The car ride was quiet, which Drew attributed to the early flight. 

“Do you need a nap?” Drew asked, they had originally planned to film on that same day that Danny flew in. He was staying at an AirB&B a couple blocks away from Drew’s house, since Drew didn’t have a spare bed. 

“Yeah, I might.” Danny said, “What’re you going to do?” Drew shrugged and let the question hang there. It was hot and sticky outside, he would probably just sit in an air conditioned room and work. “You could bring your laptop and work at my place?” Danny offered. “Then we can film as soon as I’m conscious.” 

“Sure, I guess.” Drew answered, being around Danny was making him anxious. He was hyper conscious of not looking at his friend’s lips, but Danny’s playful grins kept catching him off guard. They finally reached the place Danny would be staying at. It was a little bungalow, very little. It must’ve been built 100 years ago, it had been updated since then but was still tiny.

Drew left Danny there and returned to his own house to get his laptop, and other essentials. He lingered in the empty house, staring down the usb, trying to will himself to give it to Danny. He put it in his pocket and felt a sickening wave of guilt. He put on his shoes, and slung his laptop bag over his shoulder, grabbed the keys and then took the flash drive out of his pocket again. He dropped it on the side table in the hall. He got as far as the car before turning around to retrieve the fucking thing. It seemed to burn in his pocket the whole way over to Danny’s place. 

Drew knocked on Danny’s door and he answered shirtless. Drew’s breath caught in his throat.

“Hey,” Danny greeted him, sleepily. “Just kicked on the AC.” Drew kept his eyes away from Danny’s bare chest. The little house was tiny on the inside. Drew wandered around, avoiding his half dressed friend. The place had a kitchenette, living area, one bedroom and one bathroom. Each room was self contained, no open floor plan. It was odd for such a small house to have so many walls.

“This place is weird.” Drew noted, as he dropped his things on the only couch, a faded blue sectional. Danny rounded to corner from the kitchen. There was nowhere else to look, meeting Danny’s eyes was nearly as dangerous as willfully checking him out. 

“I kinda dig it.” Danny admitted with a half smile, “Too hot though.” Drew noticed Danny’s cheeks were a little red, as was his chest. Danny headed to the bedroom and Drew squeezed his eyes shut. He noticed his own body was warm. He chastised himself for staring.

He opened his laptop and tried desperately to do some work. But spent most of his time trying to distract himself from the excitement that had been rising in his chest. He felt almost giddy, Danny was here, things were back to normal. No need to ever tell him about the thing, the thing sitting in his pocket, that he should give to Danny.

After a while he heard Danny tossing and turning, the air conditioning had been doing it’s work and the bungalow had cooled down. When Danny got up he had a shirt and his hair was wild. He played with it in a mirror and then they got ready to film. 

Everything was going fine until they turned the camera on. At first it was just a little awkwardness. Drew shying away from Danny’s casual touch. But the small mistakes affirmed Drew’s fears, that he’d thrown off their whole dynamic. They’d filmed one video, and Drew finished it feeling like shit.

Danny for his part seemed forgetful, losing track of himself mid-sentence. Danny went to fetch some water and started watching what they’d filmed so far. It was awful. 

“We can’t use this.” Drew stated, unapologetically. 

“What? Why?” Danny poked his head out of the kitchen. 

“I’m just going to delete it.” Drew added, grimacing at the awkward video. He started deleting sections.

“Wait!” Danny shouted, clearly annoyed. “What the fuck?” 

“It’s shitty.” Drew explained matter-of-factly. “We can do better than that.” The clicks continued as he deleted the rest.

“Give it to me.” Danny said sternly, annoyance rapidly transforming into anger. Drew stood up and handed Danny the camera. He’d deleted everything. 

A fist collided with Drew’s jaw, Danny’s fist. The floor flickered white, Drew’s vision tunnelled with anger. He brought a hand to his face and tried to calm down.

“Give me the video.” Danny’s eyes were cold. Drew held up his hands.

“I deleted it.” He said, his voice flat and empty, while adrenalin poured into his veins.

“No, the other video.” Danny said, and Drew’s heart rate shot up. “I can’t fucking take it.” Danny hadn’t unclenched his fist. “I feel weird around you and I know that you know why. I have the right to know what the fuck I said or did that made things so fucking shitty between us.”

The air grew stale with the silence

“I didn’t- I’m not doing this to be an asshole, Danny.” Drew replied. “You’re right, you deserve to know, but I just can’t.”

“What are you fucking hiding?” Danny trembled, with an emotion Drew could only assume was rage. “Whatever it is, it can’t make things any fucking worse.” Drew still didn’t speak, so Danny went on. “I can’t even fucking look at you without feeling…” Danny bit his lip, as he stalled himself, “feeling like you know something I don’t.” His voice softened. Drew was losing this battle. His chest felt like it was caving in. 

He handed the flashdrive to Danny.

“I thought you would be happier not knowing.” Drew turned his back on Danny and walked away. His heart was slamming into his ribcage, beating itself against the bones like a trapped bird. It hurt, just like his jaw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, these chapters have been pretty angsty. Hope you're still enjoying it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys, extra chapters (and the ending!) in case anyone is stuck at home this week. Working on a sequel. Hopefully I'll have some ready for next week!

Drew got home and went straight to his bedroom. It was early, just past six. Amanda found him with his head under a blanket, being suffocated by self-imposed guilt. 

“I think this is something you should talk with him about.” Amanda whispered to him as she rubbed his back. “You could go over there and kiss him properly and see what happens.”

“Ha.” Drew replied despondently. He poked his head out. “I’m scared of talking to him, but I also totally didn’t apologize.” Drew’s phone rang. It was Danny. “Fuck.” Drew groaned. “He punched me today.”

“He what!?” Amanda said as Drew got up to take the call. 

He went to stand on the balcony, the warm evening air, soothed him a little. He answered just before it went to voicemail. 

“Hey,” his voice was weak with nervousness.

"When did you edit this?” Danny’s voice wasn’t angry anymore. It was hard to identify the emotion through the phone.

"After.” Drew said. He leaned against the railing, it felt like he should be smoking a cigarette given how angsty he felt.

"Why? If you edited it for me, why didn't you just give it to me?” Danny asked, there was a note of exasperation. Drew winced.

"I couldn't.” He explained.

"Why?”

"I feel like I-” Drew started, but the admission stalled on his tongue, “I took advantage of you.” There was quiet for a moment then Danny exhaled.

"You were high.”

"Not like you were.” Drew countered, his brain taking this inopportune moment to recall how wildly out of it Danny was when Drew kissed him.

"I clearly wanted it.” Danny said, hinting at his behavior. Drew ignored his placating words.

"You didn't know what you wanted.” Drew countered.

"Fuck off with that!” Danny shouted, Drew's eyebrows shot up and his stomach dropped. Danny brought his voice down, softened it for a confession. "I wanted that for a long time.”

Drew's heart double beat.

"But Laura, ” Drew stuttered.

"She knows.” Danny said, his breath seemed to come quicker. 

"What?” Drew's heart rate quickened, his brain wasn't processing the new information as quickly as Danny was providing it.

"She knows, she's fine with it.” Danny said, his voice was firm but with an edge of adrenalin to it.

"So is Amanda,” Drew admitted sheepishly. 

"You're kidding?!” Danny said and Drew could hear the smile in his voice, "Fuck.” Danny groaned.

Drew couldn't find words for what he was feeling. He was trembling and smiling as shame and guilt melted into a giddiness that he was altogether unprepared for.

"You should come over.” Danny said breathlessly. 

"Sure.” Drew said, as he turned to open the doors to the balcony. 

"Stay the night.” Danny added. Drew took a second to register the meaning behind Danny's statement, he bit his fist against what could've been a moan. What the hell was even happening? 

"Fuck” He eventually replied. Danny laughed. "See you soon.”

Amanda was waiting patiently on the bed for Drew to finish his call. Drew relayed their conversation to her and she started packing him a little overnight bag. 

"He just means so we can film early before it gets hot, right?” Drew asked his wife. Amanda laughed and shook her head.

"No, I don't think so.” She said as she tucked his toothbrush away. She put the bag in his hands. "Have a good time tonight, I love you so much.” Amanda kissed him and ushered him out the door.


	11. Chapter 11

Standing in the driveway Drew felt the night air again and replayed the conversation with Danny in his head. Was this actually happening? 

He decided to walk, rather than drive. Intending to collect his thoughts on the way. His feet propelled him forward but he could hardly think straight. There were small insecurities, worries about if something went wrong and ruined their friendship forever. Drew sighed as the bungalow rose into view.

Drew knocked and for one heart pounding minute he wondered if Danny had lured him here to yell at him. Danny answered the door, with a half smile.

“Hey,” He greeted sheepishly. 

“Hi,” They stood at the door awkwardly for a moment before Danny stepped back to let him inside. Drew dropped his bag by the door and shrugged off his light jacket. “I want to apologize properly.” Danny smiled and shook his head. “I’m sorry for kissing you without -uh- consent.” Danny laughed.

“Also for hiding it from you, that was dumb.” 

“Yeah, it was.” Danny agreed more seriously. “The video was… thanks” Danny ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the back. “Kinda embarrassing, I was so thirsty.” Danny laughed and his cheeks got a little pink. Drew’s heart started beating a little harder. 

“So when did you talk to Laura?” Drew asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

“I noticed it on the tour, how I felt when you were around,” Danny admitted and his cheeks got redder. Drew’s body warmed with excitement and elation. “And it’s been even more intense since…” Danny paused losing himself in a memory, “Being near you, it makes me feel a little bit high.” Danny laughed, and Drew resisted the urge to take Danny in his arms. “But Laura, she could tell, and she was just excited instead of mad for some reason.” 

Relief washed over Drew like an early morning mist, getting into the tension that he’d been carrying in his shoulders. But Drew’s brain had one last worry that it couldn’t quite put down. 

“I want to kiss you again.” Drew admitted, surprising himself. Danny shivered, and his big blue eyes turned on Drew, begging him to do it. “But I’m scared.” Danny’s brows furrowed. “I’m scared of wrecking things between us, or god forbid the internet finding out.”

“You’re right.” Danny said, “Because, of course you are, but I want-” He cast his eyes down, trying to find the courage to continue. “I get what you’re saying, and I don’t have a solution for it. But I’ve wanted you for so long and then you finally made a fucking move and I feel like I missed it.” Drew smiled, he felt lightheaded. 

“It didn’t feel real.” He admitted. More than the kiss, was the build up to it, the closeness, and intimacy, resisting and ultimately failing. Drew felt disappointed that Danny couldn’t remember it. “Wanna try and trigger the memory?” 

Danny laughed. “Do you think that will work?”

Drew shrugged, “Maybe not, but I think it would be fun to try.” Drew felt his heartbeat in his ears. 

“Okay.” Danny sounded a little breathless, and he couldn’t seem to contain his smile.

“You sure?” Drew confirmed. Danny nodded, eyes alight with excitement. “Cause I’m not going to just kiss you, I’m going to take you through all the bullshit leading up to it.” Danny laughed and Drew took his hand. 

“Are- are we starting?” Danny asked as Drew led him towards the bedroom. Drew smirked mischievously.

“Yes,” He replied. There were no thoughts except for the ones about Danny. He didn’t realize how badly he wanted Danny to remember that experience. Although it didn’t feel like it at the time, Drew looked back on the trip with a certain reverence. Like a wonderful dream that he couldn’t forget, he hoped that he might be able to capture some of the magic again for Danny.


	12. Chapter 12

Standing at the foot of the bed, Drew let go of his hand and turned on Danny. “No pant’s in bed.” Danny smiled and his eyes flicked down to Drew’s belt. 

“Did I say that?” Danny said breathlessly, as his hands moved to the button on his jeans. Drew felt a rush of pleasant-feeling hormones flooding his brain, as he watched Danny undress. This would be hard, if it weren’t for the sadistic part of Drew that got off on teasing Danny.

“Shirt too.” Drew directed, not bothering to look away. Danny tugged at the hem of his shirt nervously, then lifted it over his head quickly. His chest was flushed, Drew noted and liquid heat surged through his veins like adrenalin. Danny’s eyes seemed to glow with curiosity and excitement. Drew gestured to the bed, and Danny went to it.

Drew touched Danny’s shoulder and guided him down, and then onto his stomach. Danny giggled as his friend leaned back against a pillow. Drew let his index finger drift up Danny’s spine, eliciting a shiver and then a laugh.

“What are you doing?” Danny asked, looking up at Drew with his face half buried in the pillow. 

“Shut up,” Drew said softly. “You loved this when you were high.” He started drawing patterns on Danny’s skin. Tracing the muscle in his shoulders.

“It’s tickly.” Danny said, Drew rubbed the flat of his palm over the spots. Then he lightly scratched Danny’s back. Danny moaned.

“That’s what you sounded like any time I touched you.” Drew teased, and Danny buried his face in the pillow to hide his blush. 

“What happened next?” Danny asked eagerly.

“You insisted on doing me.” Drew told him, as he pulled off his shirt. Danny smiled and sat up behind him. For a moment Danny didn’t move, then his arms curled around Drew’s torso.

“You did this.” Drew said with a smile, “Do you remember?” Drew asked, as Danny’s arms held him tightly. He felt Danny nod into his shoulder, then grind his pelvis into his lower back. Drew gasped. 

“I feel good.” Danny said softly, Drew could feel Danny’s shallow breaths on his shoulder. “Is this what happened?” 

Drew closed his eyes and tried to recall what happened next. Danny’s hips had stilled but he could still feel his friends hardness, ever so slightly, distracting him. He leaned his head back onto Danny’s shoulder, and felt Danny’s breath at the base of his neck. He wondered how obvious the strain at the front of his pants was.

“We talked, like this. Laughed about something.” Drew recalled and he felt Danny smile. “Then we talked about the last night of the tour.” 

“Really?” Danny asked. “Were you going to kiss me?” Danny let his hands wander across Drew’s chest, and Drew nodded as he lost his train of thought. “I was so confused by that.” Danny whispered into the fine hairs at the back of his neck. “I couldn’t even, dude.” Drew laughed.

“You were being cute, I wasn’t thinking.” Drew admitted. “Then I started thinking and panicked.” Danny giggled and his hands moved to explore Drew’s back. Drew reveled in the soft touch.

“What’s after this?” Danny whispered into Drew’s ear, sending a rush of blood to his pelvis. 

“You're so impatient." Drew teased, trying to capture this moment in his mind. The way Danny felt, and sounded here and now. "You got onto my lap somehow.” Drew said, trying to recall how. 

Somehow, Danny managed to make hit happen, and the next thing Drew knew, he had Danny straddling his lips, lewdly. Drew couldn’t help but admire his friend's tanned body and the way his muscles flexed as he moved. Drew bit his lip against a moan as Danny’s ass pressed into the place where his pants had grown uncomfortably tight. 

“Like this?” Danny asked, breathing hard, not from the effort but from the excitement of his new position. Drew groaned in mock annoyance.

“Just like this.” 

“What’d I do here?” Danny asked with a mischievous light in his eye. Drew rested his hands on Danny’s thighs. Danny’s eyes flicked down. His boxers did little to hide the strain against the fabric, and he couldn’t hide the arousal on his face either. 

“Tried to take my pants off.” Drew teased, managing to sound much cockier than he felt. Danny smiled, and his hands drifted to Drew’s belt buckle.

“That wouldn’t work though.” Danny said, fingering the buckle. 

“Yep, you’re pretty dumb.” Drew joked. “Good thing you’re hot.” Danny smiled, and bit his lip. He shifted his hips forward, pushing against Drew’s restrained cock, and forcing a moan from Drew’s throat. “Fuck.” 

Danny’s hands came to rest next to Drew’s head, pleased with himself, but practically shaking with need, “Is this how-?”

“No.” Drew breathed, running his hands up Danny’s legs, until his fingertips brushed the tops of his thighs. If his hands pushed just a little farther he could feel... “I didn’t let you.”

“You’re pinned though. I could just...” Danny leaned forward ever so slightly. And Drew's eyes were drawn to Danny’s lips.


	13. Chapter 13

“Yeah, but you do what I tell you to do.” Drew said and watched a shiver travel down Danny’s spine. Danny let go of his hands and Drew pushed him off. 

Looking down at Danny kneeling patiently on the bed was like deja vu. Danny looked exactly as desperate as he had when he was high, but there was an intensity in his blue eyes, that wasn’t there the first time around. Before he had been a vacant vessel driven by physical need, now he was here and being piloted by a want that was almost within reach. “You look incredible.” 

Danny smiled and looked up at Drew expectantly. Drew’s hands fell to his belt buckle, and tugged it out. He took off his pants and stepped out of them. Danny’s eyes flicked down to the stretched fabric at his crotch. Danny’s lips parted and his breath caught. Drew brought one of his hands to Danny’s jaw. He forced Danny’s attention back up to his face. The boy’s eyes were half lidded, pupils blown wide with thirst. Drew brushed his thumb along Danny’s bottom lip. Danny let him guide his lips apart, then let Drew press the digit forward, gliding over his tongue. 

Drew’s dick burned as his nerves confused the sensations, hot and wet. Danny suckled at the intrusion. Drew touched the waistband of his underwear, he could pull it down and replace his thumb with something else. 

“Fuck.” Drew whispered, more to himself than Danny. He pulled his thumb away and threaded his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Danny’s head. 

“You did that last time.” Danny replied, he swallowed and licked his lips. Drew felt an electric shiver through his body all the way to the tips of his fingers. 

“Good remembering.” Drew teased. “I had this around your wrist though.” Danny’s eyes flicked to Drew’s belt, that he still had in his hand. Danny offered his wrist submissively. Drew shook his head. “There’s nowhere to tie it.”

“Just pretend.” Danny implored breathlessly. Drew didn’t just take one wrist, he took both this time, and cinched them together. Then with the end of the belt in his fist, he pinned danny’s hands above his head. This brought their bodies closer, hips close enough to feel one another’s hardness. Danny’s eyes went wide with surprise then a moan surfaced, coming from somewhere deep inside him followed by a gravelly, “Fuck.”

“Damn it, Danny, you sound so fucking good.” Drew pressed his dick forward into Danny’s and his head tipped back as he moaned again. “This is what got me.” Drew admitted, “You, just like this.”

“Do it then” Danny dared him. Drew met his eye, and smirked. Danny’s expression faltered, the wildness melting into something more intimate. He wanted it, desperately. Drew dropped closer, he watched Danny’s eyes flick to his lips, but Drew held there for a moment, savoring this second in which Danny was entirely his.

Danny closed the distance, and stole the kiss. 

Drew’s heart stuttered again and fireworks burst behind his eyes. Danny’s lips were hot and soft. Drew must have let go of the belt because he felt Danny’s bound wrists behind his head, drawing him closer. Danny’s fiery need, took charge, pressing his advantage and deepening the kiss, until Drew moaned. Danny backed off for a moment, to steal a couple hasty breaths. Drew barely had time to straighten out a thought before Danny had pulled him down for more. Their bare chests were pressed together, their hips shifted rhythmically, exhilarating them, as the kiss turned into a passionate struggle for stimulation.

They pulled apart, hard breaths and pounding hearts were keeping the blood flowing to the members that were grinding against one another. Drew slipped out of Danny’s bound wrists and kissed down Danny’s neck. Which only made it harder for Danny to catch his breath. 

Drew shifted his hips back and tugged Danny’s waistband down. Danny felt it and they both seemed to tense for a moment, then Drew brought his palm to Danny’s cock. Danny gasped and the muscles in his stomach constricted. It felt hot in Drew’s hand, hot and hard, and his gentle touch was making Danny writhe in the sweetest way. 

Danny took Drew’s lips, and Drew squeezed a little harder in reward. Danny moaned into his mouth, and his tongue urged Drew to deepen their kiss. Drew could hardly focus. Danny’s cock seemed painfully hard, Drew flicked his wrist, and Danny whimpered. He pulled back.

“S-slow” he stuttered, his voice wavering. Drew did as he was told. “Can I- uhm- yours- suck?” Danny struggled with the words through rapid breaths. Drew bit his lip against a smirk, but Danny caught it. Danny moaned, and struggled against the restraints that he hadn’t figured out how to get out of. Drew pulled back and removed the belt. 

Danny’s hands found Drew’s dick immediately, one held the waistband of his boxers, the other wrapped around his thickness, stroking gently back and forth. Danny gasped, and smiled. Drew felt like he might explode. He breathed through the rush of hormonal ecstasy that threatened to push him over the edge. Drew pulled back deliberately, and Danny let go with whimper. 

"Fuck, it's too much,” Drew said, pushing himself up to stand next to the bed. He looked down at the hard, panting mess that was Danny. Danny looked back up at him, with eyes that could almost be innocent. 

Then Danny started to move, until he was kneeling, and Drew's cock was just below eye level. They were both frozen for a moment. Drew brought a hand to Danny's hair and briefly fantasized about roughly taking his mouth. 

"You don't have to do this, I just about came in your hand.” Drew admitted and Danny moaned as he flexed the muscles in his arm. 

"I want-” Danny tried to explain but his words were cut off by a gulp as Drew's dick twitched of its own accord. Danny's lips parted and Drew felt them press against the sensitive spot just under the tip. Looking down at his dick next to Danny's face made it look bigger. Danny looked up at him and took the head in his mouth, and they both moaned. Drew's grip in Danny's hair tightened.

Danny sunk down further allowing Drew's cock to glide over his tongue and fill up his mouth. With sweet little muffled groans. Danny took it deeper and deeper till it was settled at the back of his throat. Danny gagged a little and Drew pulled back. 

"Hey, take it easy” Drew admonished, petting Danny's hair lightly. Danny did not take it easy. He pressed forward again and Drew’s breath caught. Danny brought his hand up to the base of the shaft, then began to bob up and down. He let the sensitive head rub against his tongue on the way out. He took as much of it as he could, over and over, pushing until it hit the back of his throat then moaned when it was withdrawn. 

Drew gasped. He was getting close again. The combination of Danny moaning and choking himself on his dick was overwhelming enough, without the fucking burning heat of having his dick sucked. Drew tried to slow him with the fist in his hair. Danny popped off, his eyes were watery, and saliva shone glossy on his abused lips. 

"I'm going to cum soon.” Drew warned him. Danny smiled, and tried to take Drew in his mouth again, but the grip at the back of his head stopped him. Danny whimpered. "Get up.” 

Danny bit his lip, and he watched Drew's cock through a few short breaths. Then he followed the order. Drew pushed him back onto the bed and crawled on top of him. Danny’s muscles were wound tight, as heavy breaths wracked his body. Drew kissed him hard, pressing his tongue into Danny’s ravished mouth. Danny moaned, and Drew let up. 

He pressed two fingers into Danny’s mouth, pushing them in and out deliberately. Danny’s dick twitched and he groaned around them. Drew took the wetness and brought his hand down to Danny’s aching cock. As soon as Drew’s fist closed around it, Danny writhed and whined.

Danny followed Drew’s lead, gathering some of the saliva from his own mouth and mixing it with the mess of precome and spit already coating Drew’s dick. Drew’s heart pumped hard, and he gasped into Danny’s mouth. 

They moved in tandem, thrusting their hips and jerking their wrists, trying to drive the other closer without cumming themselves. Danny’s moans were getting louder. Drew’s tongue in his mouth was driving him crazy. Drew felt Danny’s muscles tighten even further. He was going to cum. The realization hit him like a firework going off, and then it was shooting out of him all over Danny’s fist. Drew’s lips muffled Danny’s cry as he came as well. They coated Danny’s body in cum and their kiss was broken by their need for air. The crash of the first wave drowned out the smaller waves, which added to the mess. 

“Fuck” Danny whispered. Drew pushed himself up, off of Danny. Danny’s abs and chest were absolutely covered in cum. There were even a couple of pearly white drops shining on Danny’s cheek. Drew let out a breathless laugh.

“Jesus.” Drew said, wiping the cum from his hand on a bit of Danny’s chest that wasn’t glistening. Danny glanced down at this body and laughed out loud. 

“Fu-uck” He said, smiling. Drew got off him, to get something to clean them both up. Danny giggled, and brought his hand to his mouth. Drew watched with astonishment as Danny tentatively tasted a bead of the stuff on his hand. Danny noticed Drew watching, and sobered “Sorry.”

“It’s hot.” Drew corrected, smiling. He wandered towards the bathroom, unable to stifle the goofy grin or fuzzy happiness that filled his head.


	14. Chapter 14

When he returned with the towel, Danny’s breath had slowed but the giggles hadn’t fully subsided. His laughter started up again as Drew tried to clean him up. Through the squirming, Drew managed to complete the task. He threw the towel on the ground, and climbed back into bed. 

“That was fun.” Danny admitted, as Drew snuggled under his arm. 

“Yeah, you’re cute.” Drew whispered. Danny’s hard chest rose and fell under his head, the faint rhythmic beating of the other boy's heart was making him sleepy. 

“Cute?” Danny said, taking mock offense. Drew scoffed.

“Ugh, hot then.” Drew corrected, tilting his face up for a kiss. Danny kissed him enthusiastically. Drew went on, “Different from a girl.”

“Very different.” Danny said. “Would it be weird to call my wife and tell her about this?” Drew laughed.

“Don’t leave yet, you feel good.” Drew hugged Danny closer and stole another kiss. “Was any of that weird?”

“Yes, all of it.” Danny said with a giggle. “The weirdest part was actually the feeling high while doing it. Not a lot, just enough to make everything feel incredible.” 

“That’s what you’re going with then?” Drew joked, “You came so quick because of the drugs you did a couple weeks ago.” 

“No!” Danny backtracked, “Being around you makes me feel - I don’t know!” Danny smiled in exasperation. “Okay that’s dumb. What’s your excuse?”

“You’re stupid hot.” Drew dead-panned, “and I am weak.” Drew got up on an elbow, to look at Danny. “More importantly, did it trigger your memory?” Danny laughed and pulled Drew down to kiss him again.

“I think it did but then I got distracted.” 

“Guess, we’ll have to try again.” Drew said, shifting in bed. “I’ll get the belt.” Danny laughed and tugged him back into a hug. 

“So you’re down to do this again?” 

“I’m going to need like a couple more minutes, but yeah sure.” Drew replied sarcastically. Danny laughed.

“Kay, good.” Danny whispered with a smile. They kissed again, slowly and softly. Sending shivers up Drew’s spine. Drew settled himself back into the crook of Danny’s arm. “I’m really into you.” He admitted. 

“Good to hear.” Drew replied, “I thought this might’ve been a just bro thing.”

“That’s definitely what it was,” Danny said through a snorted laugh. “Just a bro sucking another bro’s dick.” Drew liked the way the muscle in Danny’s stomach contracted when he laughed. 

“Yeah, you really wanted that.” Drew teased. He stole a glance up at Danny’s face to see if he’d managed to make it red. Danny bit his lip and turned his face away, denying Drew the satisfaction. 

“Bro...” Danny whispered with mock hurt. Drew giggled, and turned Danny’s face to him. It was a little pink. Drew smiled and kissed him, enjoying the heat and the way Danny’s tongue tentatively allowed him to deepen the kiss. Like one slow beat his heart caught up with moment, urging a very lovely feeling all the way out to his fingertips. Danny pulled back smiling.

“You were so good,” Drew said, planting one last peck on Danny’s lips, “so good at this too.” Danny laughed and muttered soft thanks. “I love-” Danny kissed him then, cutting off the words.

“You can’t say that yet.” Danny said, his cheeks were definitely pink now.

“I wasn’t going to. I was going to say I love- it when you suck my dick.” Danny laughed and tilted his chin away from Drew, denying him further access to his lips. 

“Fucking…” Danny muttered to himself, still smiling at Drew’s teasing. 

“But I don’t see why I couldn’t say that yet. It’s not as if we just met.” Drew reasoned, “We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“You’re right.” Danny said sarcastically, “You should be allowed to say you love having your dick sucked.”

“I also love you.” Drew stated, with a cocky smirk. Danny’s blue eyes fell on him with a mixture of annoyance, amusement, and something else. He bit his lip against a wide smile that threatened to emerge. 

Drew kissed Danny urgently, as if he was trying to prove it. His love-swollen heart hammered with the need to do so. Danny moaned into it, which forced Drew to break for a breath. When he opened his eyes, there was only the electric blueness of Danny’s. Then Danny smiled.

“Fuck, I love you too.” Danny whispered breathlessly, before Drew had pressed their lips together again, almost laughing into the kiss. At some point the heat became unbearable, or Drew’s brain decided he should maybe get some oxygen. They broke apart and laughed through heavy breaths.

“Kay, I’m good to go again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the Sequel (featuring Kurtis!). And let me know what you liked about this one. It was a ton of fun to write.


End file.
